No. This couldn’t be happening. I could feel his hazel eyes gazing at me. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. I didn’t turn to look at him. I wouldn’t let him win. I couldn’t let him win, not this time.

I looked into the window. He was standing in the doorway, his brown hair all ruffled up, but he still looked sexy, handsome. He was frowning, but the lines above his eyes just looked cute on him.

Then I looked at myself in the window. My blue eyes were bloodshot, my brown hair all messed up. Stupid wind. I shouldn’t have run home.

Out the window, the leaves one the ground rustled. Some of them splattered against the window, and I looked up towards the sky. It was completely grey. It was a horrible day. And not just for the weather.

“Julie,” he whispered. His eyes looked pleading, and his face was in a pained expression. I wouldn’t turn around. He would just do hurt me again. I closed my eyes, and shook my head. An instant later, I felt his cool breath go down my neck. I stayed still, trying not to shudder. His hand touched my waist, and I moved out of his hold. The moment he held my in his arms, I would be lost. I couldn’t let him have the chance to do that.

“Julie, I’m sorry,” he whispered. I looked down at the wooden floorboards. I noticed they needed to be mopped.

“I can’t forgive you for this,” I mumbled, making sure he knew by my tone I wanted him to leave. He moved closer to me, and put his face in my shoulder. I shrugged him off furiously, and turned sharply.

“This is the worst you’ve ever done. I can’t ever trust you again,” I told him sharply. I looked above his head. If I looked into his eyes I would instantly soften. He reached a hand towards me, and I slapped it away. His hand was bright red now. Part of me wanted to grab it and make sure his hand was okay. I hid that thought away. I couldn’t give in.

I looked around the room to distract me. I saw the toy box. I felt the tears coming again. I tried to stop them. I couldn’t cry in front of him. He would hold me, help me to feel better. I ran from the room, and went through the next door. I took in the room. All the pink. The pink bedcover. The pink drawers. The pink dolls…

I started crying. I leant against the door, and fell down, sat down, my head in my hands. I could hear him knocking on the door. Asking if I was okay. Of course I wasn’t. She was gone. Because of him.

I moved my hands away, and looked at the white wall. Right across from me, in big, purple letters, was her name. The letters leered at me, mocking me for getting too attached. I should never get attached. Not to something so young.

Something…how could I refer to her as a something? She was my everything, my world. She was always more than something. She was my beautiful daughter. Me lovely, warm, cuddly daughter.

“I’m hurting too, Julie,” he said through the door. I didn’t care if he was hurting. It was his fault.

“You weren’t her father!” I yelled through the door, my voice shaky through the tears. He swore loudly, and I heard him slump to the floor.

“I was a better father than her real one was, and you know that, Julie!” he called back. I heard some muffled sounds, and realised he was crying. I blinked. He had been her father for three years. I hadn’t heard from her real father in four years, he didn’t even pay child support for her. I stood up, and, my hand shaking, turned the doorknob, and opened the door. There he sat, his head against the wall, tears rolling down his face.

“I couldn’t do anything,” he said. I bit my lip, and sat down next to him. Hi hand snaked towards mine, and I tentatively took it.

“You could’ve saved her,” I whispered. He shook his head, sorrowful.

“Julie, I did all I could,” he told me quietly. I sniffed. I couldn’t believe it. Of course he could’ve done more! He should’ve kept a closer eye on her! He watched me as I went into another bout of tears. She was gone forever. Why? I cursed God for making children so curious.

“You should’ve held on to her tighter!” I exclaimed suddenly, standing up. He sighed, slightly impatiently.

“She’s five, Julie! I had to give her room to move on her own. I didn’t think she’d run out onto the road!” he yelled, standing up. My mouth quivered, and I put my hands over my mouth. He sat down immediately, and put his arms around me. I cried on his shoulder.

My little girl was gone forever.